Tell it like it is — nicely.
I’ve been watching Netflix’s Bonus Family, a Swedish series on the dynamics of having blended families.
It’s really well done and engrossing to watch. My favourite character is the young daughter Bianca. Without going into too many spoilers, my favourite episode is in Season 4 — episode 7.
When Bianca tells her mom, compassionately and nicely, to back off lol.
Bianca establishes really firm boundaries with her mother in a way that’s humane, loving, kind and healthy. She does it with care and with a maturity that belies her age.
“I get that it makes you anxious, not being able to control how I perceive things.”
My jaw dropped when I heard that. I was like ‘omg I’m a new fangirl for this character’.
If you watch the scene, the character Bianca handles the exchange with her mother in a calm, measured way and manages to disrupt a pattern with her and her mother that’s been going on for years. Yet she also holds space for her mother, showing her she will always love her and will always be her daughter.
What I loved about the entire 30 second interaction is how Bianca manages the entire dynamic in a calm, healthy and loving manner. She communicates so much to her mother about respecting her boundaries, while still being respectful of her mother.
There are going to be people in your life you overstep your boundaries. You may not even know you had a particular boundary about an aspect in your life until someone steps over the line.
What I think is important, is that, if you care about the person, and you care about yourself, you communicate your boundary in a manner that is healthy and loving, for both you and the other person.